An Indirect Mentor - Leighton Ford

Leighton Ford is mostly known for serving alongside Billy Graham. More recently, he has shifted his focus toward mentoring young leaders. His son, Kevin, served with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship in Virginia when I was at UVA. I remember meeting Kevin at a chapter camp at Windy Gap and then buying Leighton's book titled Transforming Leadership. I read the book that summer.

Years later, I had the opportunity to meet Leighton Ford when he spoke at MVPC. I reread Transforming Leadership before he came and I was able to see how much I have learned (or better put - realized what I have yet to learn and experience) about leadership after 14 years. At MVPC, he preached on the subject of "Paying Attention" and he shared from his new book The Attentive Life.


I bought the book but I didn't open it until this weekend. I am 2/3 of the way through it (the last 1/3 is always the hardest to press through) and I have been refreshed by the content, especially his emphasis on slowing down in our attention-deficit culture.

As I have been reading the book, I have felt like I have been mentored by a great person. I know that I have found a treasure of an author, a book and/or a person when I get that sense. I love feeling like I am sitting down with a person as I hear his/her voice through a book.

One area of mentoring from Ford came from his variety of life-giving perspectives on love. One of his definitions of love is "focused attention." He shares the following words from the Scottish preach Alexander Whyte about love based on the apostle Paul's words from Ephesians 3:

The love of Christ has no border: it has no shore: it has no bottom. The love of Christ is boundless: it is bottomless: it is infinite: it is divine. That is passeth knowledge is the greatest thing that ever was said, about it... We shall come to the shore, we shall strike the bottom of every other love: but never of the love of Christ!... You, who have once cast yourself into it, and upon it -- the great mystic speaks of it as if it were at once an ocean and a mountain, --- you will never come to the length of it, or to the breadth of it, or to the depth of it, or to the height of it. To all eternity, the love of Christ to you will be new.

Let that mentor, refresh and restore you today as you consider the love of Christ.

I know that I felt my soul restored by that quote and many other prayers and stories in this book.

True Rest and Happiness

I first took Jesus seriously during my freshman year in high school when I heard a small group of friends work through 1 John 4. The verse that still awakens my soul to God's love and identity is 1 John 4:10 - "This is love: not that we loved but that God love us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins." I was pulled into the loving arms of God who didn't expect perfection before embracing me.

I rested in that realization.

Years later, I picked up a book titled Knowing God by J.I. Packer. Up to that point, I had pushed away any book that focused on theology. I didn't want to read high and lofty theology. I simply wanted to read the Bible and let God speak.

I started to read Packer's book and I clearly remember the opening section describing the greatest endeavor of a person - to know God. He shared that there is nothing more rewarding than to let God reveal himself and to discover God during intentional moments of listening and searching.

This morning, I continued in my reading of Calvin's Institutes and I read I.V.1-10. The chapter title in McNeill's edition is "The Knowledge of God Shines Forth in the Fashioning of the Universe and the Continuing Government of it."

The sentences that caught my attention came at the very beginning when Calvin writes:

The final goal of the blessed life, moreover, rests in the knowledge of God [cf. John 17:3]. Lest anyone, then, be excluded from access to happiness.

Blessed. Rest. Happiness.

These words are slippery, especially "blessed." What does "being blessed" really look and feel like? I've always asked that question. I've come to the conclusion that I know what "being blessed" is when I am in the midst of it. I feel blessed when I am connected to God and I do not feel like anything is in the way of my relationship with him. I feel blessed when I am serving another person and I know that I would not be doing it without the work of Christ in (on) my life. I feel blessed when I am singing during a worship service with others in response to God's grace. I feel blessed when I feel free to love my wife, my little girls and whomever God puts in my path at any given moment.

The other two words that Calvin uses (rest and happiness) fit right into this picture.

BUT I have be reminded (awakened) of this every moment of every day!

Calvin later shares that God's purpose in all revelation is blessedness of those who receive this revelation. In other words, blessedness is found in experiencing God's revelation. Calvin later says "but because of human sin, the effect of this revelation in creation is to deepen man's guilt."

That's a sad reality. At the very point that we should be experiencing blessing, rest and happiness (in the moment of God sharing himself with us), we often feel the most guilty because of God's presence. We push God away.

I do this. I feel God's presence but then I push him away if I am running away from God or indifferent. This is not God's problem. It is my problem. God is graciously saying "I love you. I am here" but I say "Go away!" because of my guilt (shame and pride).

What is our hope? What is my hope? The hope is that Jesus made the way for us to know God and to not have our guilt become deeper in God's presence. Instead, we should feel the freedom and confidence to come before God AND to experience the blessing, rest and happiness that comes from being known by God and knowing God.

Prayer: Jesus, thank you for making a way for me to be known by God and to know God. I am convinced that the true source of blessing, rest and happiness is God. I can see how I could push God away without the assurance that you made the way for me to be in a living relationship with God now and for eternity. Thank you for finding me. Thank you for awakening a love for you and a desire to know you. Help me to turn toward you every day and then turn toward others because of our relationship and your work of restoration, transformation and renovation in my life. For your name's sake. Amen.

1 out of 100

I am continuing my daily readings in Calvin's Institutes and it has become a highlight of my day. I am now looking forward to the reading, reflection and subsequent prayer.

Years ago, I realized that my swimming workouts were mostly sprint-oriented. I intentionally shifted those workouts to be long distance so as to foster a more 'marathon' mindset as opposed to a 'sprint' mindset. These readings fall in the 'marathon' mindset as I take a little bit per day but consistently take them on.

I often share that "95% of people believe any statistic" - including that one.

Calvin shares in Book I, IV, 1 that "As experienced shows, God has sown a seed of religion in all men. But scarcely one man in a hundred is met who fosters it, once received, in his heart, and none in whom it ripens - much less shows fruit in season [cf. Ps 1:3]."

1 out of 100.

He obviously isn't drawing on polls or statistics but his numbers resonate with me. The convicting aspect of his statistic and subsequent analysis is that he is talking more about the response by people to their acknowledgment of God or a god or "something out there."

Calvin exposes the reality that people often generate an image of God (an idol) in order to ultimately hide from the very God who they know exists, who they know has the final word on their lives, and who they know requires a response. He points out superstitions, religious rites and other actions to placate God.

As for me, I can see how I can easily fall into this trap. In fact, I am a pastor. If anyone can say "look at me God, I am following you" it is me. I can easily embrace a false idea that I am "making it" as a Christian since I serve full-time in a church ministry environment.

This, however, could be the greatest place of hiding.

Prayer: Lord Jesus, take me out of hiding. Help me to follow you and to respond to you and not try to placate you with my life. I want to relate to you and be yours.

Directing Every Thoughts and Action

Today's reading in Calvin's Institutes was Book I, Ch III, 1-3. The section is titled "The Knowledge of God has been Naturally Implanted in the Minds of Men."

I have always started with the assumption that people all have some view of God or a god or "something out there." If anything, I often see that those who oppose the view of God or a god have to work very hard to prove (to themselves?) that a personal, creative, ruling entity does not exist. In many ways, I see this as a lifelong endeavor to hide from God.

In our culture, these statements come across as insulting to those who believe that God does not exist. How can a person (me) make this bold and arrogant statement?

I make these statements because I believe them to be true and I invite anyone who disagrees with me to enter into a conversation about them. I am sharing what I have witnessed in the lives of my friends, co-workers and family members who reject the existence of God. They do so for reasons that are legitimate to them and I can often see why they have chosen to make this decision based on their life experiences and experiences with those who believe in God.

If I truly believe that, then what should I be doing. Calvin awakened me today to why I need to humbly (re)direct my life toward God in every moment of every day. I may claim that God exists and base my life on a relationship with him through Jesus Christ but that doesn't mean that I will be shaped by that understanding and relationship without an intentional movement toward God (as God is constantly intentionally moving toward me first).

Calvin shares the following in I.III.3

Besides, if all men are born and live to the end that they may know God, and yet if knowledge of God is unstable and fleeting unless it progresses to this degree, it is clear that all of those who do not direct every thought and action in their lives to this goal degenerate from the law of their creation. This was not unknown to the philosophers.

The bottom line is that every person has some natural understanding that God or a god or "something out there" exists. Every person has a choice as to what to do with that understanding - whether to be known by God or hide from God.

I believe God sent his Son to share himself and open the way for a life-restoring relationship with the personal, loving God who created everything (including you and me). If we enter into that relationship, then we will be restored daily and into eternity. As I go, I need to direct every thought and action to the goal of knowing God.

Prayer: Lord Jesus, thank you for showing up on the scene (earth) and revealing God through your life, death and resurrection. Seriously, thank you. I would be lost without you. I would be searching for an unknown God that would be mostly created in my own imagination (and image). Help me today to direct every thought and action toward knowing you. Thank you for the truth of 1 John 4:10 "this is love: not that we loved but that you loved us and sent your Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins." This truth woke me up to your love for me back in December of 1990 and you have been restoring me ever since. Help me to continue in my quest to turn toward you as you constantly turn toward me. I love you. For your name's sake, Amen.

Every Pastor Needs To...

Ellen Charry, a PTS Theology professor, boldly shared that every Christian needs to read Augustine's Confessions. She then boldly shared, "Every pastor needs to read through Calvin's Institutes of the Christian Religion."

She shared this during one of my first classes in seminary in the Fall of 2004. Five years have passed since she made that statement and I mentally tucked it away.

Recently, I have set aside 15 minutes every morning to read in my office. I arrive. I turn on a small light sitting on my work table. I open a book and read. I do this before I turn on my computer. I do this before I write on white board. I do this before I sort my piles.

I always enjoy reading works by devout followers of Christ. I often feel like I am sitting in a room with them and dialoguing with them as I read. Earl Palmer's Theological Dialogue gatherings have helped me as well. I often read out loud and stop to reflect on specific items that catch my attention. I then follow another one of Charry's challenges and "let all theological reflection turn to prayer." I end my time with an open conversation with God in prayer - sometimes silent, sometimes speaking, sometimes sharing my struggles, sometimes sharing my excitement.

Yesterday, I decided to take up Charry's challenge and I opened up Calvin's Institutes. I have read excerpts at various points but I have never ventured to read the entire work. I am started on that journey yesterday.

I haven't been blogging because I haven't cared to make the time to do so. I will post a thought here or there as I read through the Institutes. I am not trying to do anything big with these posts. I'm simply returning to the basics of this blog's theme - recording "thoughts as I go."

Here we go...

The quote that caught my attention this morning is in Book I, Chapter II, 2.

Because it (the mind) understands him to be the Author of every good, if anything oppresses, if anything is lacking, immediately it betakes itself to his protection, waiting for help from him. Because it is persuaded that he is good and merciful, it reposes in him with perfect trust, and doubts not that in his loving-kindness a remedy will be provided for all its ills.

Do I really believe that God is the "Author of every good"?
Do I immediately turn to him and wait for help from him?

I am convicted by these words, especially as I face a new school calendar year. Do I really believe this in light of the following:
- Laurie and I are expecting our 4th child (another girl!) in December
- Cambria is starting 1st grade today and parenting continues to challenge me every day
- I am leading a small group ministry that needs guidance and depth
- I feel lost in these efforts when I try to wrap my head around all of the possibilities

Where do I turn? Do I turn to my own thoughts and strength?

According to Calvin's reminders, I need to return to the "Author of every good."

Prayer: Lord Jesus, help me today to know that you truly are the author of every good. Please give me the grace (undeserved gift) of trust in you. Help me to know that you are really there and that you can and will come to my aid when I turn to you. I turn to you with my life again this morning. Take my life and let me rest in you as I live out the calling you have for me and my life. For your name's sake. Amen

Out of nowhere

About 1 month ago, I felt like I was getting into a groove in life - family, full-time church ministry and the Seattle area. Something happened since then. It seems like every possible commitment or opportunity that was put on hold turned into a YES. From there, I let my schedule book up - early morning (6 AM or sometimes 5:30 AM), normal morning, afternoon, late afternoon, evening, etc.

I feel like the temperature has been turned up on life and I didn't see it coming.

This blog, among many other things, has taken a direct hit.

I am stepping away from my normal schedule at the end of this week to gather with my seminary friends for a time of reflection, ministry feedback, study and rest and fun. I know that I need that in order to reset and get ready for whatever God wants me to do in the coming weeks, months and years.

I thought that I would post something in order to show that I was alive (seemingly)

Never Study Alone

I wrote on my other blog (part of the MVPC blog crew) a few weeks ago about a book that I have never read - "Never Eat Alone."

I saw this book at a book store while working on a paper at Princeton Seminary a few years ago. The title captured my attention but I never read the book. I was captivated by the idea that no meal should pass without connecting with another person or group of people.

Recently, I saw a similar a pattern in my study life. I didn't make a conscious decision to do this but I found myself in numerous studies with others. I realized that I had made the decision in order to keep myself engaged in a life of learning but also realizing that I could not set aside the amount of time that I would like for solo study.

I now should write the book "Never Study Alone" because I am living out the primary theme that if I am going to read a book or study the Bible then I should engage in that study with another person (much like a person should engage in conversations over a meal with another person).

Here is a sample of my current "Never Study Alone" gatherings:
- 1 Peter - weekly coffee meeting
- It by Craig Groeschel - bi-weekly lunch
- Confessions by Augustine - bi-weekly coffee meeting
- Dogmatics in Outline by Karl Barth - monthly theological forum with Earl Palmer
- Holy Discontent by Bill Hybels - bi-monthly gathering with small group ministry coaches
- Reading the Bible for All Its Worth by Gordon Fee and Douglas Stuart - monthly lunch meeting
- Future In-formation by Ron Carucci and Josh Epperson - blog discussion started from a monthly leadership gathering

Music DNA

Many posts ago, I shared that I was convinced that each person has a unique "Top 10" list of songs. I think that we can all agree that every person responds to a song differently based on their music preference. The next level of connection to a song comes from the memories and/or season of life associated with the song.

There are some songs that resonate with me today that would not have resonated with me 1 year ago, 5 years ago or 20 years ago. The opposite is true as well - songs that resonated with me 1 year ago, 5 years ago or 20 years ago do not always connect with me now.

With that said, a friend's status update on Facebook said, "I'm thankful for the person who told me about Pandora." I looked it up and now I am hooked.

Pandora is based on the music genome project and it attempts to bring together songs based on a complex algorithm that assesses aspects of the songs. The theory is that each song has its own DNA.

In turn, I would say that sets of songs (like a top ten list) have the complexity of combined DNA that must be unique for each person.

Is there anything out there that lets you put in your personal top ten list of songs and have it match up with others?

Would your top ten list ever be the same at any instant in time?

Let's start small, if you have a top 3 songs, then what are they?

Disconnected analysis

I am learning a basic lesson right now. The lesson is that church ministry decisions should be based on actual conversations with real individuals as opposed to theories from books or other ministry models. Yes, this should be a basic observation.

The pull toward stepping away to "figure things out" is a strong pull for me. In many ways, I have attempted to apply a logic-driven approach to analyzing a small group ministry. The outcome has often been disconnected from the reality that I have (re)discovered from talking with real individuals who are participating in the small group ministry.

The phrase "incarnational ministry" has been tossed around in more ways than I can count. I will, however, venture to say that I have experienced a facet of that elusive term in recent days as I have "dwelled among" friends who want to connect with God and other people through small groups.

Simple.

My Dad has always said, "People before process" but I apparently missed the memo...

It is time to listen.

It is time to act...

How have you seen systems receive the primary focus as opposed to people in your area of responsibility (work, family, etc)?

Stirring up apathetic spirits

I was battling some apathy the other morning so I asked God to wake me up through meditating on a section of Scripture. The Old Testament book of Haggai immediately came to mind.

I read through the first chapter. After reading a vivid description of apathy, I read this in vv 13-14 - “Then Haggai, the LORD’s messenger, gave this message of the LORD to his people, “I am with you,” declares the LORD. So the LORD stirred up the spirit of Zerubbabel son of Shealtiel, governor of Judah, and the spirit of Joshua son of Jehozadak, the high priest, and the spirit of the whole remnant of the people. They came and began to work on the house of the LORD Almighty, their God.”

The people of God drifted toward apathy regarding God’s honor and purposes in the world. At that point in time, God’s honor was seen and experienced in the temple. Instead, the people drifted toward only focusing on themselves. In 1:4, Haggai shares, “Is it a time for you yourselves to be living in the paneled houses while this house (the temple) remains a ruin?”

In other words, he was asking "do you only care about yourselves?"

God then addressed these people through his messenger Haggai and God stirred up their apathetic spirits toward his purposes in the world.

What are some ways that the church needs to hear this word today?

In what ways, do we merely care for our own private worlds as opposed to responding to God’s invitation to participate in what he is doing in our community and the world?

Does this reminder stir you? It stirs me up.

Always surrounded...

I am sharing at a men's ministry event this Wednesday morning (yes, 6 AM!). I will be sharing about my childhood family. My parents scanned in some old pictures and sent them over to me. The picture above sums up my life - always surrounded by females. Now, I live with my wife and 3 daughters...

Look at my face! Look at my position on the chair. I am being pushed out! :)

The Apostle Paul's Facebook wall?

I hit the height of my Facebook "use" a few months ago and I am no longer on it every day (hour) of the week. I still enjoy the reconnects that I have made through the site and the memories that I have recalled in light of the conversations.

I remember the first time I realized that my Wall was available for my friends and the world to see. A person can start to get a sense of a person from scanning his or her wall. The standard information (Activities, Interests, Favorite Music, etc) given in the Info section provides an initial snapshot of a person. The wall, however, provides a dynamic view of a person through his or her interactions.

I was reading through Colossians for my small group study the other night and I came to the final section of the letter. In the past, I have often skimmed the descriptions and exchanges in this part of the letter because I (naively) found them to be repetitive and not as interesting as the rest of the letter.

I changed my view on this the other night. In many ways, the final greetings from Paul reveal the nature of his relationships with others from various "networks" (do you see the Hierapolis Network, Colosse Network, the Laodicea Network?). The final section is like a Facebook wall - the Apostle Paul's Facebook wall.

Of course, the individuals did not post to the letter directly but you can see the nature of the relationships and the personal interactions between Paul and others in this section. In many ways, the exhortations that Paul gives in chapter 3 of Colossians are lived out in chapter 4 and seen in these real relationships.

Go ahead and read Colossians 4 with eyes toward these relationships. You can then see other "posts" from his other letters such as 2 Timothy...

Deep down inside

Yesterday, I felt the sickening feeling that accompanies a beloved sports teams elimination from the playoffs. I have felt this before (last year on the last day of the season) and I will feel it again (next year on the last or first day of the season?).

I tried to determine why this sick feeling comes over my body due to events like the Mets' choking. As I pondered, my mind wandered to the fact that I am repulsed by the feeling of not coming through for others when they need me. I hate when I fail to fulfill a commitment to a friend or simply let someone down.

There is a larger pattern present here as well. I have noticed that I tend to judge others in the exact areas that I struggle the most. This is a basic observation that I see in every other person as well. We judge others most harshly in the exact places we need help.

Back to the Mets... I saw them choke yesterday (this past week, this past month...) and I couldn't stomach, literally, the fact that they let me down by not coming through. I hate that in them but I hate that more in my actions.

SO, I will be thinking about how my stomach felt yesterday when I am tempted to not come through for others when they need me. I won't be perfect but I will intentionally work to avoid making others feel like the 56,000 fans who sat through the choke-fest yesterday at Shea Stadium in NY City.

Growing up

I have been reflecting on the meaning of "growing up" recently. I believe that I have been able to look at life with fresh eyes again now that I am somewhat settled into my new home. The past 5 years have been a whirlwind ever since Cambria was born and I decided to apply to Princeton Seminary. I am starting to re-experience the basic rhythms of life - a rhythm that isn't marked by "what's next?"...

One aspect of growing up involves taking ownership because nobody else is going to come to your rescue. This should be a basic observation but I am seeing how it hasn't been in my life. I have been blessed with parents who provided for me as a child and have been a tremendous help to me in many ways throughout my life. I can see now that I sometimes still fall into a child mindset when a challenge comes my way.

Tonight, I went against that mindset. Our kitchen sink was leaking and I was unable to fix the problem right away. I had a choice. The first choice was to cling to the reality that I am not a handy guy and give up. The second choice was to pursue a solution and take ownership of my sink.

First, I went to Home Depot and I actually asked for help. That was a big step. The plumbing representative gave me some things to consider but none of them seemed to fit my exact problem. Second, I returned home and saw the problem with new eyes (also after cruising some Kohler sink docs online) and I was able to fix the problem!

Right now, the sink is not leaking. Right now, I feel pretty good about myself. Right now, I feel like I took one more step in growing up.

A New Friend

I had the opportunity to meet with Earl Palmer recently at University Presbyterian Church. Our conversation focused primarily on his experiences in full-time church ministry. I asked him numerous questions and he responded with the wisdom and thoughtfulness that any person seeking a conversation with him would expect and desire.

I asked him how he has stayed fresh in full-time church ministry over the years and how he has avoided mediocrity? He immediately responded to the question with, "Preaching and finding ways to teach others how to study Scripture in a way that the Bible and Jesus Christ comes to life!"

I also asked him about his favorite authors and he shared a list that challenged me to expand my reading selections. He said, "Pick an author and befriend him or her. Read and read that author until you feel like you know them and they have known you as you interact with their writings."

A few days ago, I picked up G.K. Chesterton's Orthodoxy off my book shelf. I had purchased the book years ago after hearing Earl Palmer mention it in a sermon. I had saved the book until a time that seemed right and now is that time.

I read the first chapter where Chesterton focuses on why a person who relies solely on logic will go mad because he or she attempts to control the world. I was struck by these words,

Poetery is sane because it floats easily in an infinite sea; reason seeks to cross the infinite sea, and so make it finite... To accept everything is an exercise, to understand everything a strain. A poet only desires exaltation and expansion, a world to stretch himself in. The poet only asks to get his head into the heavens. It is the logician who seeks to get the heavens into his head. And it is his head that splits.

I was challenged to consider how I as a logician (ask anyone who knows me well about this) attempts to get "the heavens into" my head and that sometimes causes my head to split.

He goes on to share that sometimes thinking less is a path to life for those who think too much...

I found a new friend. Chesterton helped me reflect on my life in a manner that I haven't since I read Augustine's Confessions years ago. Thank you Earl Palmer for your wise words and for introducing me to a new friend.

Good question

I am writing for the first time since May. I obviously bought into the Seattle area summer mindset - meaning that I completely check out of life during the summer. One of my numerous observations from my first year out here is that everyone checks out of responsibility when the sun is out. I understood why that occurred during the cloudy/rainy months but I did not anticipate it happening ALL summer long.

I have enjoyed making observations like this one during my time here in Maple Valley. I should write about all of them (4th of July insanity, why people move out here, etc.) but I'll have to come back to that another time.

Now to the question of the day. Who am I? That is a question that I know that some are asking in light of the fact that I haven't updated this blog in many months. I also have struggled to find ways to connect with friends in light of a newborn's (now 3 months) arrival (Carys) and the constant learning in my position at Maple Valley Presbyterian. I am still learning how to live post-seminary and post-technology.

You will know if I am in a better groove once I start updating this blog consistently again because I definitely still have many many many "thoughts as I go" about life and faith...

Connnecting the Dots?

I pulled together the final details for a sermon and I still feel like I am not connecting the dots. I can feel the mental fatigue of trying to write a strong sermon while keeping up the reality of having a 4 week old newborn in my family.

In light of the challenge, I am going to write out the proposed flow of thought for the sermon. I don't know if I will have the brainpower to deliver this and I will look back in the future to see whether I was wise to take on this sermon this close to Carys' birth.


Mark 1:9-13

There is a clear difference between learning about a person and actually knowing them. Knowing a person is a complex endeavor because people do not reveal everything in their hearts - they keep secrets. Knowing a person involves having the other person reveal themselves to you. Problems arise, however, when we do not let intently listen to the other person but instead force our expectations and desires on them. In other words, we often only see what we want to see and we can get frustrated with the rest.

Our culture plays a significant role in creating this disconnect. We live in a consumer-driven society that includes choice and options at every turn. In fact, we expect to be able to customize whatever products we purchase and/or the experiences we buy. Some online examples in cars and clothing. Another example that impacts young children is Build-A-Bear. Children pick an animal and customize it to their exact liking. The description for Build-A-Bear is "Where Best Friends Are Made"... Best friends eh? Ironically (or not so), these "best friends" are often tossed aside after a week or so in favor of something else. Doesn't this play out with our relationships? We want to customize our friends and relationships so that we can get what we want. That is not how relationships with real people flourish though.

If knowing a person can be complex, then how much more complex is it to know God? Followers of Christ make the bold claim that they can know God. How can we know a God who we cannot see or hear from directly?


I can't write more now but this will be the beginning of how I lead to knowing God through Jesus Christ and Mark 1:9-13 provides a snapshot of Jesus, the Jesus who will be seen and known throughout the rest of the gospel of Mark...

Matching Feelings

I am sitting in the hospital room where Carys was born last night at 10:08 PM. I am looking at her as I type and she is wrapped up in blankets and peacefully sleeping.

At 10:08 PM last night, I felt a feeling that I felt a month ago. I couldn't put my finger on exactly why I felt the same way but then I started to connect the dots.

Last month, I attended a pastor's conference at North Point Community Church. The Friday night session included a communion worship service with an intense set of music accompanied by an artist on stage painting Jesus. I remember receiving the bread and cup and then beginning to cry as I was overwhelmed by the reality of God's grace in my life. Grace. A surprise gift. God's unmerited favor. Grace.

I wept because I felt overwhelmed with gratitude for God's action in my life and for the world in Jesus' death on the cross and resurrection from the dead. I was knocked over by God's grace.

Last night, I felt the same exact feeling and it led to the same action, namely, crying by the bed where Carys was resting on Laurie. I heard her little cries and I saw her little brown eyes looking at me and I was overwhelmed again with gratitude for God's gifts in my life. I do not deserve such a gift but God has seen it fit to bless me with another little girl. That is God's grace.

I cried in two different places for what seemed like two different reasons. In fact, I cried for the same reason - a joyful response of gratitude for God's grace in my life.

7 Years

Today, Laurie and I celebrated our 7 year wedding anniversary. 7 years ago, our wedding ceremony took place at McLean Presbyterian Church about 10 miles outside of Washington D.C. She was working for Chuck Colson at Prison Fellowship Ministries and I had just started working at a software startup company called Intersect Software. We started our life together in Leesburg, VA.

We watched a video that our friends took when we first got engaged and then our rehearsal dinner. I was amazed at how much has changed since 2000-2001 (hair?) but also how much has remained the same. Over and over, I heard laughter (hence, the picture at the beginning of this post) in the background of all the gatherings that were captured on video tape. These gatherings included the sharing of story after story after story regarding the memories of close friends and family.

Laurie and I have shared a lot of laughter throughout our 7 years of marriage. We are now sharing that laughter with our two (soon to be three) girls. We are gaining more and more opportunities to share that laughter with our new friends here in Maple Valley and I am looking forward to the years ahead both here and wherever God takes us in the future.

7 years... my friends stole my underwear from my suitcase at this exact moment 7 years ago on May 26th, 2001. I still have plans for them...

Taking me back...

Music has a profound impact on me. I am always surprised by how a specific song can call forward a memory from the distant past. I am sitting in a coffee shop right now and a random Gin Blossoms song from the mid-90s is playing in the background.

How is it that I can clearly picture driving in my old Chevy Corsica in the cold winter near Edison, NJ on the way to a college interview? I can remember getting lost on the way with one of my friends making fun of me in the front seat. If I close my eyes, then I feel like I am right there.

Music

I have often reflected on how I could put together a music set that captures memories from throughout my life. If I actually took on this project, then I would be able to relive every chapter of my life from the first day I remember music to now... That could be really scary or really amazing.