Do I want to know the truth?

I woke up this morning and I went out to my front porch to sit and be still.  God gave me the gift of simplicity as I heard the birds chirp and I watched the wind blow through the leaves on the trees.  I breathed in a deep breath and exhaled.  I felt God's presence in the moment.  I was reminded that I was not alone in the world...

I was then led to Psalm 139 and I read it.  Psalm 139 is a wonder-fully personal Psalm.  David starts by saying, "You have searched me, LORD, and you know me" in the first verse.  From there, David describes how God knows us and every detail of our lives.

I received great comfort knowing that the God who created and sustains all things cares about me.  The following thoughts flowed into my heart and mind:

God knows me.
God knows me by name.
God knows my fingerprint.
God knows my DNA.
God knows my strengths.
God knows my weaknesses.
God knows my biggest mistakes and he loves me nonetheless.
God has never given up on me.
God knows me.

The final verses of Psalm 139 include a prayer that I have prayed in the past but I was struck by it afresh this morning.

Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.   

 Psalm 139:23-24

This is a bold prayer.

I thought, "Do I really want to pray this prayer?  Am I willing to let God in... really?  Do I want to know the truth?"

I have come to realize that I guard myself.  Like most people, I recoil at the thought of being hurt by another person.  I have been hurt in the past and I know the painful feelings that come with being hurt.  I have come to see that I naturally guard myself even as I seek to reach out and connect with others.

This prayer, the prayer of Psalm 139:23-24, invites God into that guarded space and says, "I am open to your examination."

Do I want to know the truth?

If I truly trust God, then I will let him in.  If I truly trust God, then I will have faith that he will share with me what I need to know in a perfect way in his perfect timing so that I can grow and be transformed to be more like him.

Do I want to know the truth?

If I truly believe that God is the God who loves me uncondionally and has the best in mind for me and that he can bring that about in his perfect way, then I do want to know the truth.  I want him to share the truth with me - through his Word, through my relationships, through his creation, through everything.  I want to know the truth.

Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth and the truth witll set you free." (John 8:31-32).

I want to know the truth and I trust that God will set me free to be more like him...

- to love others in the way that he loves me
- to love what draws me to him
- to love myself in the way that he loves me
- to love what he loves and to serve others in those areas

I want to know the truth.

Do you?