Admittedly, my recent entries have been short and bereft of theological insights. I have been in survival mode but I am seeing some light in my adjustment period to having two kids. This afternoon, my wife and I received a break from parenting and we went to see the new Harry Potter. Most people love Harry Potter. As for me, I fell asleep... Nothing against HP but I guess my body was able to relax and that led to an automatic shut-down. Hopefully that won't happen tomorrow in class....

This sign describes my world right now. I think that I went to bed around 3:57 AM last night. I was just woken up by a screaming baby at 3:57 PM. I looked at the window and I thought "Wow, daylight savings time is out of control! It is light outside at 3:57 AM!!!" These are not deep theological thoughts but these are the thoughts that I am having. I am reading some of my class reading but mostly my mind is occupied by the upsidedownness of life right now. Maybe Paul Tillich can correlate that existential question with a traditional belief in a new "baby-twilight zone" interpretative matrix... There is a thought...

Is this the graph that describes your day when you come to my blog? One of my favorite things to do is to locate crazy images through Google. I put in the word "thanks" in order to find a potential image for a lesson and I found a directory of hilarious pictures. This graph was one of them...

A Humiliating Experience (in the truest sense)

Every moment has been both a challenge and a joy since Avery came home from the hospital.

The changes in my life are innumerable and all of my daily/nightly patterns have been blown up. Intense life changes like this reveal how selfish I am. I can't even begin to count how many selfish, childish moments I have had in the past 2 weeks. I have realized how much I really do not look out to the interests of others (Philippians 2:4) but only to my own. I took some time tonight to step away from being a husband, a dad, a student, a friend, and everything else. I picked up The Way of a Pilgrim again and I read this "confession of an interior man leading to humility." I will write the first part in this post but the others may come later. These words capture much of what I feel often. It is a long read but it worth it...

A Way of a Pilgrim - pp. 113-115

Turning my gaze at myself and attentively observing the course of my interior life I am convinced, through experience, that I love neither God nor my neighbor, that I have no faith, and that I am full of pride and sensuality. This realization is the result of careful examination of my feelings and actions.

1. I do not love God. For if I loved Him, then I would be constantly thinking of Him with a heartfelt satisfaction; every thought of God would fill me with joy and delight. On the contrary, I think more and with greater eagerness about worldly things, while thoughts of God present difficulty and aridity. If I loved Him, then my prayer communion with Him would nourish, delight, and lead me to uninterrupted union with Him. But on the contrary, not only do I not find my delight in prayer but I find it difficult to pray; I struggle unwillingly, I am weakened by slothfulness and am most willing to do anything insignificant only to shorten or end my prayer. In useless occupations I pay no attention to time; but when I am thinking about God, when I place myself in His presence, every hour seems like a year. When a person loves another, he spends the entire day unceasingly thinking about his beloved, imagining being with him, and worrying about him; no matter what he is occupied with, the beloved does not leave his thoughts. And I in the course of the day barely take one hour to immerse myself deeply in meditation about God and enkindle within myself love for Him, but for twenty-three hours with eagerness I bring fervent sacrifices to the idols with passions! I greatly enjoy conversations about vain subjects which degrade the spirit, but in conversations about God I am dry, bored, and lazy. And if unwillingly I am drawn into a conversation about spiritual matters, I quickly change the subject to something which flatters my passions. I have avid curiosity about secular news and political events; I seek satisfaction for my love of knowledge in worldly studies, in science, art, and methods of acquiring possessions. But the study of the law of the Lord, knowledge of God, and religion does not impress me, does not nourish my soul. I judge this to be an unessential activity of a Christian, a rather supplementary subject with which I should occupy myself in my leisure time. In short, if love of God can be recognized by the keeping of His commandments - "If anyone loves me he will keep my word," says the Lord Jesus Christ (John 14:23), and I not only do not keep His commandments but I make no attempt to do so - then in very truth I should conclude that I do not love God. St. Basil the Great confirms this when he says, "The evidence that man does not love God and His Christ is that he does not keep His commandments."

Agape or Not...

I have heard 3409830498304982 sermons/messages/talks/lessons on agape (unconditional love).

The reality of this is like many other aspects of Christianity in that it fades in and out of focus. All relationships include times where different aspects fade in and out. The addition of Avery Ruth to my family has opened my eyes in a fresh way to characteristics of unconditional love. Avery has nothing to give me in terms of approval or agreement. She may stop crying when I pick her up or simply make eye contact. Overall, however, she cannot "give" me anything. On the other hand, Cambria who is almost 2 1/2 years old can run to me and say "Daddy" or laugh at my stupid voices or make me feel good by saying "I love you Daddy." At points, Cambria's love is conditional and I can provide the thing to which she responds. I have been disturbed by how much I can sense in my spirit this difference. In fact, I can sense that I want to get a response from Cambria when I only get cries and some more cries (at this point) from Avery.

Doesn't this whole post show my selfishness? Isn't it amazing how God uses massive changes in a person's life to reveal just how ridiculous the human heart is when a sobering review is made of it...?

Avery Ruth Lee

Avery Ruth Lee was born at 2:09 PM yesterday on 11/8/05 at 7 lbs 13 oz, 21.5 inches. She is currently in the special care unit but she is well on her way to being fully healthy and out of there. Laurie was nothing short of a warrior throughout the intense labor that was an intense 1 hr 15 minutes from hospital arrival until the birth. More pictures will be coming soon. We are grateful for everyone who was praying for us. The miracle of God's gift in the form of life, life somehow that comes from two people and looks/acts like them, has been realized again. Praise God!

Eating alone (at the Lord's Supper???)

Last night, I participated in an alternative Eucharistic worship service. The theme of the 'table of Christ' was repeated but the reality was there was no table (it didn't have to be a physical table). Each person stood up, went alone, received the bread and wine/grape juice, sat down, prayed alone, thanked God alone, confessed alone, and then there was a corporate prayer at the end.

Is the Lord's Supper or communion or the eucharist meant to be a lonely McDonald's experience?

Have you ever eaten alone at McDonald's? You get your food, sit down, eat quickly (maybe with something to read or now some McDonald's have TVs to watch). You are only concerned about yourself and what you are getting from the meal.

My recent experiences would lead me to answer affirmatively to the question "Is the Lord's Supper like a lonely McDonald's experience?". I have been challenged by a reading from Martin Luther where he reminded his readers that the Lord's Supper was not just for individuals. The problem is that many Christians approach the Lord's Supper only with a personal "me and Jesus" mindset in our individualistic world. I was taught as a kid to give thanks for Christ's sacrifice on the cross and to confess my sins while meditating on the cleansing blood of Christ. I still believe that this is a necessary part of the experience but is there more? If the purpose of the Lord's Supper is to thank and confess, then can't I do that at home or by myself somewhere else?

Here are some ironic observations that I (and I hope others) have made...
- we speak of gathering around a table but we 'eat and drink' alone in our thoughts
- we speak about the body of Christ but only in terms of what Jesus did for me while others are sitting right next to me (many of whom I do not know at all)
- we speak of Jesus dying 'for many' but again we only think about individual selves in the many

Paul says in 1 Corinthians 10:16-17 "The cup of blessing that we bless, is it not a sharing in the blood of Christ? The bread that we break, is it not a sharing in the body of Christ? Because there is one bread, we who are many are one body, for we all partake of the one bread." This passage is often overlooked in favor of the "do this in remembrance of me" passages. The focus in 1 Corinthians 10 includes the idea of the body of Christ as opposed to a single member of that body. Martin Luther challenged his readers to also consider the "other" that is sitting right next to you. We need to reconsider how to lift up the prayer "forgive us our sins" with "as we forgive those who sin against us."

Look around the room the next time you 'take' communion or the Lord's Supper or celebrate the Eucharist. Consider those who are around you. Pray for them. If needed, ask forgiveness and/or forgive others. Remember, we are the body of Christ, not a bunch of individuals... Remember, we don't want to look like the guy eating alone at McDonald's...


"I'll take a number 1 = bread with wine via dipping"
"I'll take a number 2 = bread with grape juice via dipping"
"I'll take a number 3 = wafer with wine from a single cup"
"I'll take a number 4 = wafer with grape juice in a cup"
"I'll take a number 5 .....

Catching a leaf

A subject that I come back to over and over is the challenge of living in the moment.

I have had a couple of experiences in the past 24 hours that are helping me to see how to actually do this. Yesterday, I went to Lake Carnegie near where I live in order to get a break from studies, baby-anticipation, and all the noise of life. I sat on a wall overlooking the lake and took a deep breath. I thought to myself, "This is living in the moment." What was different about that moment? I wasn't thinking about any upcoming school assignments or obligations to anybody. My only focus was on the cool breeze, beautiful trees, and honking geese. That was living in the moment.

Another moment occurred last night when my daughter was trick or treatin (is that a phrase a verb?). She came out from an apartment and said, "Daddy, I want to go to more houses!" She was enjoying simply receiving candy. I saw her joy and I paused. That was living in the moment.

Finally, I just went for a short walk. During the walk, I reflected on a sermon that I heard in theology class yesterday based on "For it is by grace that you have been saved." The sermon was by Karl Barth and at one point he focused on having a carefree approach to life that results from living under God's grace. He challenged the audience to ask for grace. I asked for grace on my walk. I asked for help in the area of living in the moment. A few minutes later I noticed a leaf falling. I grabbed it. I realized that if I hadn't been simply living in the moment then I would have missed that leaf. I wasn't thinking days, hours, or even minutes ahead.

That was living in the moment.

I need to be more open to moments like that. What "leaves" am I missing?

Yes, that ending sounded like a bad sermon ending but the question still stands... :)

Enough Time?

I just heard someone checking his voicemail when he was in the bathroom... I know that tend to multi-task in very creative ways but I haven't gone there yet. Do we really feel like there is not enough time so that we have to check our voicemail while going to the bathroom???

Change in Perspective

I received a lesson on perspectives.

Daylight savings time was always welcomed. "Falling back" meant an extra hour of sleep and happiness. I received a new perspective now that I am a parent of a toddler. "Falling back" now means that a child who was waking up at 6:15 AM now wakes up 5:15 AM. That does not equal sleep and happiness... A new perspective on the same thing that I've taken for granted for over 28 years....

Blogging vs. Paper-writing

I often feel mentally paralyzed when I start to write a paper. The feeling is eerily similar to my experiences with computer programming during my undergrad time at UVa. I usually have the flow of the paper in my mind but I always have a difficult time launching into the actual writing. On the other hand, I do not feel that way when I click over to this blog and start typing away. Last year, I used this as a place to unclog my brain by writing out some initial ideas before I launced into writing an actual paper.

I am currently working on a Romans exegesis paper for Romans 12:1-2. The storyline for the paper is that rational worship is the key for renewing the people of God. These two verses come at a transition point in the letter to the Romans where the apostle Paul transitions from an exposition of the gospel of God to a section of exhortations for the newly formed one people of God. Paul began his exposition of the gospel in chapter 1 after describing it as the "it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who has faith, to the Jew first and also to the Greek." This gospel was everyone who has faith and opens the way for the one people of God.

Paul quickly moved to a picture of all humanity that is able to see God's invisible qualities but does not respond with thanksgiving or praise. The misplaced praise is instead funneled toward the creation as opposed to the Creator. The result of this idoltary is humanity's thinking became futile and it's minds became darkened. Paul lists the outcome of this darkened mind in the form of human behavior that degrades the body and lists of vices that result in a community marked by selfish behavior. The first 11 chapters of Romans show how all of humanity is in need of the gospel that Paul describes because, as he states in 11:32, "for God has imprisoned all in disobedience so that he may be merciful to all."

After a short doxology that affirms the riches and wisdom of the knowledge of God, the transition verses of Romans 12:1-2 are found. What does Paul accomplish with this transition? Paul asserts that rational worship, as opposed to the irrational worship found in idoltary, reverses the darkened mind and opens the way for the one people of God to discern God's will and live in a community marked by selfless behavior. This can only be accomplished by the mercies of God. These mercies are described in the righteousness of God depicted in the first 11 chapters. The one people of God, both Jews and Gentiles, who exist without the Torah and the temple cult now must offer themselves as living sacrifices in order to live as community that responds to God's grace. The following sections of exhortation (parenesis) only make sense in light of the continual renewing of the mind found in rational worship.

The key words and phrases located in Romans 12:1-2 along with their uses in other parts of Scripture provide the foundation for this assertion.

therefore
mercies of God - II Cor 1:3, Hebrews 10:8
appeal
brothers (and sisters)
present - Romans 6:13; 6:16; 6:19
your bodies - Romans 6:6; 8:11; 1 Corinthians 6:20; Philippians 1:20
living sacrifices - Hebrews 13:15-16; Philippians 2:17; 4:18; 1 Peter 2:5
holy and acceptable to God
rational - 1 Peter 2:2 (spiritual milk)
worship - noun is in Romans 9:4; Hebrews 9:1; verb found in Romans 1:9; 1:25, Hebrews 8:5; participle (one who worships) found in Hebrews 9:9; Hebrews 10:2
do not be conformed - 1 Peter 1:14
this age - 1 Corinthians 1:20; 2:6; 3:18
changed in form - 1 Corinthians 3:18
renewal
minds - Romans 1:28; Ephesians 4:17-25 (similar to Romans flow); Colossians 2:18
approve - Romans 1:28; 2:18; 14:22; Philippians 1:10; 1 Corinthians 16:3
the will of God
good, acceptable, and pleasing


Let's see what happens when I actually put this in a paper that includes my thoughts as well as input from commentaries and articles...

This may be the most dry blog entry you have ever read or it may be the a launching point for your own study of the material. Either way, this is admittedly self-serving because I needed to get something out of my thick head so that I can write this paper before my second child is born (any minute now!)...

Prayer of the Heart

I am learning more and more about the rhythms of my brain during my time at PTS. This year has proven to be a significant challenge with the combination of being a husband, a dad, a future dad of two (baby #2 is due in 2 weeks), a student, an intern, and sometimes a friend... I have been working through some energy management 'practices' with my mentor at PCNP but I am far from consistently practicing them (as I write on this blog when I should be going to sleep). One way that I have learned to relax is by a reading non-school book at night before I go to bed.

I decided to pick up a classic that I have heard about from numerous friends, mentors, and my wife - The Way of a Pilgrim. I was re-introduced to this book a few weeks ago when I led the Gathering @ PCNP in the Jesus Prayer (prayer of the heart most often associated with the Eastern Orthodox tradition). I decided to incorporate this prayer in my life, especially when I could sense that my body was being taken over by stress or anxious thoughts. The basic form of "Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on me" is prayed by praying the first part "Lord Jesus Christ" when inhaling and "have mercy on me" when exhaling. I started to do this as a means of the prayer of the heart. The longer version of "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner" was introduced to me last year in Inquiring After God (TH 291) and I have used this longer version as well.

One quote from the book resonated with me when the pilgrim said in response to his time in jail, "All that had happened seemed not to affect me; it was as if I had watched someone else being treated. And when they flogged me, the Prayer strengthened and consoled me and I was oblivous to everything."

I haven't been jailed or flogged but I have experienced this sense of watching my circumstances from afar when I have experienced the peace of Christ in my life. I haven't sensed this recently but maybe as I jump into more times of the interior prayer I may start to experience the "peace that transcends all understanding" that I have often meditated on in Philippians 4:6-7.

Water skiing and Preaching?

I thought about water-skiing today.

I haven't attempted to waterski in years. One of the first things that I wanted to do after learning to swim was to waterski. I was 5 years old then. I attempted to waterski for the first time at Young Life Camp at Saranac when I was 17 years old. I failed miserably! I remember the day clearly. I tried 3x and each time I fell over only seconds into the attempt. Unfortunately, I haven't tried since then.

Why did thinking about water skiing today? I shared my first sermon today for my preaching class and the feeling was similar to my water skiing experience. The excitement was there but it was accompanied by a lot of anxiety. My desire was for my anxiety to be translated into humility and some of that happened. At points in the sermon, I felt like I fell over in the water and wanted to give up. At other times, I felt like I was able to hang with the challenge. Overall, the ride was a humbling experience but one that I am ready to embark on again. Unlike waterskiing, I am not giving up! Maybe one day I will try to water ski again...

Anyone wanna go?

More than an internship

I am currently leading a group of young adults at Presbyterian Church of New Providence (PCNP) for my field education internship. The opportunity goes way beyond an internship for me. I grew up in PCNP and now I find myself back at the church. The church has a completely different feel due to a new senior pastor and numerous changes to almost everything. I have been given the opportunity to lead the most challenging, in my opinion, group in the church - young adults. Young adults are overlooked and, to be frank, ignored in many churches.

Why? I think the real reason is because they are hard to "pin down." Another reason is I have seen that churches do not take them seriously because of their busy lives and lack of tithing. I definitely differ on the tithing aspect because I've seen that individuals in their 20s/30s are more willing than others to support the ministries where they see God at work.

Most churches have 'programs' for youth and for families with young children. The gap between high school graduation and the first kid is a big one. I feel called at this point to be a leader to help address this gap. I am convinced that God's upside down way of working in the church (taking the least and making them the greatest) applieis to this gap.

If anybody is actually reading this, then do you see this pattern in your church? If you don't go to church, then if you ever checked out a church, did you feel like this was true?

Postless blog?

Where are the posts?

I have heard this from some friends who have actually come to this blog. I am currently suffering from postless disease where I often know what I want to post but I rarely do it.

I have been in a valuable dialog with my senior pastor about energy management in ministry. I have been monitoring my daily energy patterns and I have noticed our posts like these definitely require energy. I believe that the energy is worth using especially since I need an outlet for the 30943049830948098 thoughts that I have every day. I can definitely say that I am "theologically drunk" again this year after having a good summer to sober up through reflection.

In that light, I will start to use my creative energy here again and this will not be the postless blog that has existed. My meditations on Romans passages, reflections on Christology, exposure to viewing the church missionally, reworking of my teaching/preaching method, and humbling experiences at Presbyterian Church at New Providence will be here soon.

I may be writing to myself but isn't that what most blogs are anyway... This is a greenhouse for ideas and my desire is that friends and others will post comments as I work through ideas.

Grace isn't for holding

Two of my classes intersect quite often this semester. The one class is a Greek interpretation class of Romans and the other is a introductory course on missional theology. The intersection makes sense since Romans is considered by many to be the greatest description of the gospel and missional theology involves mission (the sending).

I will write more about the specifics of missional theology as I continue in my learning but the main piece that has struck me is how much the Scripture is composed of missio Dei (God's mission) - God's self-revelation as the One who loves the world, God's involvement in and with the world, the nature and activity of God, which embraces both the church and the world, and in which the church is privledged to participate (Transforming Mission by David Bosch, p. 10).

Now back to the intersection. A few days ago, my Romans class focused on Romans 1:1-17. Romans 1:5 states (NIV) "Through him and for his name's sake, we received grace and apostleship to call people from among all the Gentiles to the obedience that comes from faith."

The point that jumped out from considering the entire letter to the Romans and the themes of sending (among others) included in it was found in the combination of grace and apostleship. For Paul, in this verse, one does not exist without the other. Grace is not for our keeping. Grace is coupled with apostleship or the sending out. The rest of verse 5 states why we are sent out - to call people from among all the Gentiles...

How much do I focus on God's grace without focusing on the accompanying responsibility of being sent to the world? Grace isn't for holding.

Righteousness of God

I love meditating on Scripture because I always realize the assumptions that I bring to the Bible and then God challenges me to consider if they are true. One example of this type of challenge is my view of righteousness.

I just spent 3 days interacting with Romans 1:1-17. I read it in English, I translated the Greek, I did an inductive study, I formed my own provisional conclusions, I read one commentary, I attended a lecture on the passage, and then I read another commentary. The foremost challenge to my assumptions going in was to my view of the righteousness of God as being for the individual person who stands condemned by God. This is one aspect of the righteousness mentioned.

I started, however, I ask the following questions:
- What is the difference between holiness and righteousness?
- How did the readers of Romans in the 1st century understand righteousness?
- Based on the content of the letter, is this righteousness solely for the individual or is there a larger view that I am missing?

The first question came because I have always read Romans 1:17 as the righteousness of God was revealed so that the unrighteous individual received God's righteousness so that he would be saved and not condemned. Is this the total picture of righteousness that Paul is stating? Am I simply using righteousness as a synonym for holiness where I am now considered holy by the work of Jesus on the cross?

God's righteousness, as viewed by Israel, could be defined as God's right actions based on what they knew about God as revealed through their Scripture and the covenant. The people of God, Israel, had confidence (faith) that God would do the right thing based on his convental relationship with the people.

How does this fit into Romans 1:17? Does the righteousness of God (or from God) mean more than what I stated earlier? I now believe that the righteousness of God that was revealed in Christ Jesus is God's right action in responding to evil and sin in the world. This is what we would 'expect' God to do based on his promises, both to the Jews and to Gentiles.

Maybe the righteousness of God is aimed more at the cosmic struggle between good and evil more than the individual salvation of a soul. Yes, the individual salvation based on faith in work of Jesus Christ on the cross is part of this picture but maybe it isn't the starting point. Maybe starting with the cosmic view is where Paul wants us to start as opposed to the individual "what's in it for me" view that I have often brought to Scripture.

Praise God that the righteousness of God is revealed in the gospel!