Great Clips TV?

I experienced the ever-increasing isolation of human beings from one another. I went to get my hair cut at Great Clips ($4.99 coupon!). I often say a short prayer before I get my haircut. The focus of the prayer is not my hair (which is quickly disappearing may I add) but for the person who is cutting my hair. My recent meditations on Scripture references that show the extent of God's love for humanity has reminded me of how much I need to love others in the simple, every day events - like getting a haircut.

I arrived at Great Clips, said my prayer while walking into the parking lot, put my name in to the computer, and then I was called for the CUT. I sat down and the first thing I noticed was a flat-screen TV on the wall. Broadcasting on the TV was "Great Clips TV". It was a visual equivalent to the repeated music at retail stories like Old Navy. I started a small conversation with the person cutting my hair and she seemed somewhat shocked. "Why would this person speak with me when Great Clips TV is on?" She saw the book that I brought with me (Kingdom of God by John Bright) and she asked me why I was reading the book. We had a short conversation because I don't have a lot of hair to cut but it was a conversation nonetheless. I could tell that the person appreciated being treated as a person and not a hair-cutting machine.

My prayer prepared my heart to be open to another person and the circumstances made the interaction even more striking due to Great Clips TV... Thanks to my friend Jon Chiu in Virginia for constantly reminding me to share the love of Christ in practical ways, even in the seat of a hair cutting place.

Chinese New Year

Today is Chinese New Year - the year of the dog.

I was born in 1976 in the year of the Dragon. I am half-Chinese. My dad is first generation Chinese. My mom is a mixture of Welsh and German. I see myself as more a mixture of and tension between traditional Chinese and western American cultures.

I rarely speak about my mixed background in a serious manner. I was raised in a mostly caucasian, upper middle class town where there were only 2 Chinese individuals in my graduating high school class. I remember numerous instances of being mocked due to my Chinese background. I decided early on to avoid that side of my background in order to fit into my surroundings. My dad recently told me how he didn't force me to go to Chinese school so that I wouldn't be singled out as Chinese. For him, having me fit into my environment was important to him. My friends nicknamed me "one-third" because I was good at math, horrible at ping-pong, and never took karate (I took tai-kwon doe for a year but I didn't tell anybody). I avoided using chop-sticks until I went to college and I often intentionally opened my eyes larger in order to hide my chinese facial expressions.

One more story is that I remember making fun of my friend Danny Chang because he was Chinese in order to set myself apart from him and to further establish my caucasian identity. I was wrong and I wish that I could locate Danny and his family in order to ask for their forgiveness. That is what happens when a child is confused about his ethnic identity in an environment where the majority is caucasian. There are more stories than I can even begin to recount.

This blog entry will mark the beginning of more open sharing about my mixed ethnic background has shaped my view of God and the world.

Life is full ups and downs. Right now, I can go 'on record' that I am in the zone. God, family, friends, and everything are in the proper focus and I feel more alive now than I have in a long time. I continue to realize how much I need times of silence and solitude in order to renew my perspective. My trip to the Holy Cross Monastery this past Tues - Thurs provided that exact opportunity. I know that returning to classes tomorrow will most likely be the thing that will get me off track and out of focus but for now I am in the ZONE!

Overlapping

There is an overlap of pictures in this image. Both are real but one does not overcome the other in terms of being the "true" picture. My visual sense can focus mostly on one over the other but not completely. The overlap causes this visual conflict.

My recent study of the various interpretations of the kingdom of God brought me to this picture. In many ways, the Christian life is lived in this type of overlap. The overlap is not visual but, instead, encompasses all the person - heart, mind, strength.

The kingdom of God is referenced in two groups of sayings. On the one hand, Jesus message in the Gospels points to an imminent future apocalyptic expectation in Jesus' message (Mk 1:14-15; Mk 9:1; Mk 14:25; Mk 6:10). On the other hand, some sayings point to the kingdom as a present reality or experience in the world (Mk 4:1-33; Mt 11:2-6; Mt 12:28; Mt 13:16-17; Lk 17:20-21).

The tension between these two groups of sayings has led to various theories about the kingdom. 1. Jesus is viewed as an eschatological prophet who (like his contemporaries) expected and proclaimed the Kingdom as an imminent, eschatological event.
2. The 'present' or 'realized' sayings are authentic while the 'future' or 'apocalyptic' syaings are secondary.
3. Jesus was an eschatological prophet who proclaimed that the kingdom of God had been inaugurated in his person and ministry, but with a dramatic consummation in the future. (theories given in my Gospel of Mark class last spring).

The third provides a balance approach that holds the sayings in tension as we live in the overlap of the ages between the 'already' (Jesus' coming, death, resurrection, ascension, exaltation) and the 'not yet' (Jesus' return in power). I believe that the reign of God (kingdom of God) that is present in this overlap of the ages is real but often rejected in favor of a this-world ("realized") focus or other-world (future kingdom) focus.

What do we miss by assuming that this world is all that there is? What do we miss by assuming that God will not reign until Christ's return? We miss the present reign of God where the Spirit has been given and Christ reigns at the right hand of the Father now.

Paul attempts to answer this in light of his urging of the Roman church to offer their bodies as living sacrifices. The "renewal of the mind" of Romans 12:2 is a renewal toward seeing God's present reign as we wait patiently for Christ's return. We must not sleep because our salvation is closer than when we first believed (Romans 13:11-14)... Am I watching? Or do I think that I am left to my own devices to create the kingdom by human hands or do I think that this world is "going down" so I should bury my head waiting for Christ's return?

I'd rather watch and act "decently as those who live in the day" in service of God and others.

Kingdom of 'Heaven'

My recent posts are reflections that have come flooding into my brain after being able to step back from the unending onslaught of reading/papers. I continue to realize that a lot of my faith assumptions throughout my life have been based on interpretatations that I heard once and then kept without questioning.

My recent posts are swings of the pendulum to the far other side of the spectrum from some of my starting points. I have let the pendulum, however, swing back more toward the 'middle' after engaging the topics. My recent discussion on the end times and current living is another example of this type of pendulum swing. One example of a contributor to this recent swing is my understanding/interpretation of the kingdom of God. I have always been confused as to whether the kingdom was equivalent to heaven or "within me" or related to Jesus' reign overall. Like all theological vacuums, because I didn't fill it with it a theological reflection, something else filled it. In my case, I assumed that the kingdom was equal to heaven. My guess is that this interpretation is strong for many who glance at the topic because Matthew's Gospel uses the description "kingdom of heaven." This doesn't hold true, however, if the word heaven was used in order to avoid using the word God for a Jewish audience (or a Gentile audience interacting with Jewish communties). If Jews couldn't say YAHWEH, then the term God in "kingdom of God" would have been a sticking point in conversations about the nature of Jesus.

If we assume that the kingdom of God refers to heaven then all the references about God's reign are simply jettisoned the far future in another world. Does this capture the essence of Jesus' proclamation that the "kingdom of God is at hand (is near)"? My answer is No. I will write another entry soon on just why that is so. Until then, I wanted to initially capture the pendulum swing that I am undergoing on this very topic...

Signing your name

I continue to actually listen to the questions that are being raised during my meditation on scripture and the readings from my studies. Admittedly, my brain is theologically drunk right now as I try to pray through and process the ideas that are challenging my faith and my understanding of the church. A recurring theme is "What you believe is how you live." In particular, I am exploring what this theme means in conversation with a person's understanding of what happens when they die and the emphasis that this understanding plays in the present moment.

What sources are intersecting on this theme?
1. My meditations in Romans - the real influence of apocalyptic thought in Paul's writing even in this epistle
2. Readings on eschatology in systematic theology
3. Brian McLaren's The Last Word and The Word After That
4. Previous experiences with those who pushed hard for premillenialism
5. My Christian experience as a conservative, evangelical, borderline (if not complete) fundamentalist.

The following argument is still underdeveloped but I want to get some thoughts out. The idea of how we live now according to what we know about what God has done and will do is seemingly basic. On one side of the spectrum, some live in fear of judgment because they are unsure if God truly has forgiven their sin. On the other side, some live without any fear due to the security of their salvation in Christ. What about the present time? What role does God play now in our lives as we live every day?

For most of my life, I have to admit that I have lived my life without any urgency for living out God's commands because of my "assurance of salvation." Is this what God intended by sending His Son to rectify the relationship between creature and Creator? How are we to live in this time between Christ's resurrection/ascension and Christ's return? What is the significance of the Son reigning at the right hand of the Father right now and the promised Holy Spirit at work right now? Is this life only meant to be a waiting room for the next where at best we view our life as a sanctification chamber? What does this type of relationship with God look like?

I had a conversation today with a friend about this very topic. During the talk, an idea that my friend Jon Chiu brought to my attention years ago came to mind. He posited that a 4 spiritual law approach to salvation without any other background was similar to having a person sign a Hallmark card with a generic note - "Hope your birthday's GREAT! Sincerely, Jeff" What is more sincere? 1. A personal note that is addressed to a specific person at a specific time based on a real relationship 2. A Hallmark card with only a name signed at the bottom.

A third possibility is a combination of both, a personal note that expands the generic statement/poem for that person. Either way, the most personal and important decision (to commit to being a follower of Christ) shouldn't be like merely signing your name and nothing else to a Hallmark card, should it? If it is, then the temptation to simply feel content that the card was sent will leave us without any urgency for cultivating that relationship further... right?

Excuse me...

I was in Panera Bread a few days ago and I witnessed a somewhat hilarious event.

A guy squawking on his cell phone with his cool new bluetooth device stuck in his ear. This guy, like many individuals who do not care about anybody else in the world, was talking loud enough for the whole place to hear his great sales pitch to his potential client. A woman sat down at the next table over and quickly became visibly annoyed. I watched a real live "boiling point" episode as she started to squirm. After a few mere seconds, she turned to the guy and said, "Excuse me, please shut the hell up!"

Here's my question, who was more inconsiderate?

Deconstruction

Deconstruction.

The classic statement about seminary (besides calling it 'cementary' due to the death of faith) is that seminary is a place where a person's faith is deconstructed. My response to that statement coming into my time at Princeton Theological Seminary was that I was not going to let "that place" deconstruct my faith. What I didn't consider was the possible advantage of deconstruction.

Questions like these were not on my already-defensive mind -
"How is my understanding of God limited?"
"What have others who have gone before me wrestled with?"
"How is my theology impacting my ministry and where does God want to deconstruct my assumptions and rebuild them?"

I have come to see how my faith coming into PTS was what many would consider too other-worldy in terms of salvation. If Christ died for our sins and we are justified, then what is the real incentive for caring about others in the here and now? Bonhoffer's Discipleship challenged me last year in this area and I continue to be challenged by my studies of Romans and eschatology in my system theology class. I will post more on these specifics as I process what I have crammed into my head throughout this semester. Overall, I see more clearly than ever that what we believe about God impacts how we live in the present moment as well as where we stand with God for eternity. It is both, not just one or the other.

Admittedly, my recent entries have been short and bereft of theological insights. I have been in survival mode but I am seeing some light in my adjustment period to having two kids. This afternoon, my wife and I received a break from parenting and we went to see the new Harry Potter. Most people love Harry Potter. As for me, I fell asleep... Nothing against HP but I guess my body was able to relax and that led to an automatic shut-down. Hopefully that won't happen tomorrow in class....

This sign describes my world right now. I think that I went to bed around 3:57 AM last night. I was just woken up by a screaming baby at 3:57 PM. I looked at the window and I thought "Wow, daylight savings time is out of control! It is light outside at 3:57 AM!!!" These are not deep theological thoughts but these are the thoughts that I am having. I am reading some of my class reading but mostly my mind is occupied by the upsidedownness of life right now. Maybe Paul Tillich can correlate that existential question with a traditional belief in a new "baby-twilight zone" interpretative matrix... There is a thought...

Is this the graph that describes your day when you come to my blog? One of my favorite things to do is to locate crazy images through Google. I put in the word "thanks" in order to find a potential image for a lesson and I found a directory of hilarious pictures. This graph was one of them...

A Humiliating Experience (in the truest sense)

Every moment has been both a challenge and a joy since Avery came home from the hospital.

The changes in my life are innumerable and all of my daily/nightly patterns have been blown up. Intense life changes like this reveal how selfish I am. I can't even begin to count how many selfish, childish moments I have had in the past 2 weeks. I have realized how much I really do not look out to the interests of others (Philippians 2:4) but only to my own. I took some time tonight to step away from being a husband, a dad, a student, a friend, and everything else. I picked up The Way of a Pilgrim again and I read this "confession of an interior man leading to humility." I will write the first part in this post but the others may come later. These words capture much of what I feel often. It is a long read but it worth it...

A Way of a Pilgrim - pp. 113-115

Turning my gaze at myself and attentively observing the course of my interior life I am convinced, through experience, that I love neither God nor my neighbor, that I have no faith, and that I am full of pride and sensuality. This realization is the result of careful examination of my feelings and actions.

1. I do not love God. For if I loved Him, then I would be constantly thinking of Him with a heartfelt satisfaction; every thought of God would fill me with joy and delight. On the contrary, I think more and with greater eagerness about worldly things, while thoughts of God present difficulty and aridity. If I loved Him, then my prayer communion with Him would nourish, delight, and lead me to uninterrupted union with Him. But on the contrary, not only do I not find my delight in prayer but I find it difficult to pray; I struggle unwillingly, I am weakened by slothfulness and am most willing to do anything insignificant only to shorten or end my prayer. In useless occupations I pay no attention to time; but when I am thinking about God, when I place myself in His presence, every hour seems like a year. When a person loves another, he spends the entire day unceasingly thinking about his beloved, imagining being with him, and worrying about him; no matter what he is occupied with, the beloved does not leave his thoughts. And I in the course of the day barely take one hour to immerse myself deeply in meditation about God and enkindle within myself love for Him, but for twenty-three hours with eagerness I bring fervent sacrifices to the idols with passions! I greatly enjoy conversations about vain subjects which degrade the spirit, but in conversations about God I am dry, bored, and lazy. And if unwillingly I am drawn into a conversation about spiritual matters, I quickly change the subject to something which flatters my passions. I have avid curiosity about secular news and political events; I seek satisfaction for my love of knowledge in worldly studies, in science, art, and methods of acquiring possessions. But the study of the law of the Lord, knowledge of God, and religion does not impress me, does not nourish my soul. I judge this to be an unessential activity of a Christian, a rather supplementary subject with which I should occupy myself in my leisure time. In short, if love of God can be recognized by the keeping of His commandments - "If anyone loves me he will keep my word," says the Lord Jesus Christ (John 14:23), and I not only do not keep His commandments but I make no attempt to do so - then in very truth I should conclude that I do not love God. St. Basil the Great confirms this when he says, "The evidence that man does not love God and His Christ is that he does not keep His commandments."

Agape or Not...

I have heard 3409830498304982 sermons/messages/talks/lessons on agape (unconditional love).

The reality of this is like many other aspects of Christianity in that it fades in and out of focus. All relationships include times where different aspects fade in and out. The addition of Avery Ruth to my family has opened my eyes in a fresh way to characteristics of unconditional love. Avery has nothing to give me in terms of approval or agreement. She may stop crying when I pick her up or simply make eye contact. Overall, however, she cannot "give" me anything. On the other hand, Cambria who is almost 2 1/2 years old can run to me and say "Daddy" or laugh at my stupid voices or make me feel good by saying "I love you Daddy." At points, Cambria's love is conditional and I can provide the thing to which she responds. I have been disturbed by how much I can sense in my spirit this difference. In fact, I can sense that I want to get a response from Cambria when I only get cries and some more cries (at this point) from Avery.

Doesn't this whole post show my selfishness? Isn't it amazing how God uses massive changes in a person's life to reveal just how ridiculous the human heart is when a sobering review is made of it...?

Avery Ruth Lee

Avery Ruth Lee was born at 2:09 PM yesterday on 11/8/05 at 7 lbs 13 oz, 21.5 inches. She is currently in the special care unit but she is well on her way to being fully healthy and out of there. Laurie was nothing short of a warrior throughout the intense labor that was an intense 1 hr 15 minutes from hospital arrival until the birth. More pictures will be coming soon. We are grateful for everyone who was praying for us. The miracle of God's gift in the form of life, life somehow that comes from two people and looks/acts like them, has been realized again. Praise God!

Eating alone (at the Lord's Supper???)

Last night, I participated in an alternative Eucharistic worship service. The theme of the 'table of Christ' was repeated but the reality was there was no table (it didn't have to be a physical table). Each person stood up, went alone, received the bread and wine/grape juice, sat down, prayed alone, thanked God alone, confessed alone, and then there was a corporate prayer at the end.

Is the Lord's Supper or communion or the eucharist meant to be a lonely McDonald's experience?

Have you ever eaten alone at McDonald's? You get your food, sit down, eat quickly (maybe with something to read or now some McDonald's have TVs to watch). You are only concerned about yourself and what you are getting from the meal.

My recent experiences would lead me to answer affirmatively to the question "Is the Lord's Supper like a lonely McDonald's experience?". I have been challenged by a reading from Martin Luther where he reminded his readers that the Lord's Supper was not just for individuals. The problem is that many Christians approach the Lord's Supper only with a personal "me and Jesus" mindset in our individualistic world. I was taught as a kid to give thanks for Christ's sacrifice on the cross and to confess my sins while meditating on the cleansing blood of Christ. I still believe that this is a necessary part of the experience but is there more? If the purpose of the Lord's Supper is to thank and confess, then can't I do that at home or by myself somewhere else?

Here are some ironic observations that I (and I hope others) have made...
- we speak of gathering around a table but we 'eat and drink' alone in our thoughts
- we speak about the body of Christ but only in terms of what Jesus did for me while others are sitting right next to me (many of whom I do not know at all)
- we speak of Jesus dying 'for many' but again we only think about individual selves in the many

Paul says in 1 Corinthians 10:16-17 "The cup of blessing that we bless, is it not a sharing in the blood of Christ? The bread that we break, is it not a sharing in the body of Christ? Because there is one bread, we who are many are one body, for we all partake of the one bread." This passage is often overlooked in favor of the "do this in remembrance of me" passages. The focus in 1 Corinthians 10 includes the idea of the body of Christ as opposed to a single member of that body. Martin Luther challenged his readers to also consider the "other" that is sitting right next to you. We need to reconsider how to lift up the prayer "forgive us our sins" with "as we forgive those who sin against us."

Look around the room the next time you 'take' communion or the Lord's Supper or celebrate the Eucharist. Consider those who are around you. Pray for them. If needed, ask forgiveness and/or forgive others. Remember, we are the body of Christ, not a bunch of individuals... Remember, we don't want to look like the guy eating alone at McDonald's...


"I'll take a number 1 = bread with wine via dipping"
"I'll take a number 2 = bread with grape juice via dipping"
"I'll take a number 3 = wafer with wine from a single cup"
"I'll take a number 4 = wafer with grape juice in a cup"
"I'll take a number 5 .....

Catching a leaf

A subject that I come back to over and over is the challenge of living in the moment.

I have had a couple of experiences in the past 24 hours that are helping me to see how to actually do this. Yesterday, I went to Lake Carnegie near where I live in order to get a break from studies, baby-anticipation, and all the noise of life. I sat on a wall overlooking the lake and took a deep breath. I thought to myself, "This is living in the moment." What was different about that moment? I wasn't thinking about any upcoming school assignments or obligations to anybody. My only focus was on the cool breeze, beautiful trees, and honking geese. That was living in the moment.

Another moment occurred last night when my daughter was trick or treatin (is that a phrase a verb?). She came out from an apartment and said, "Daddy, I want to go to more houses!" She was enjoying simply receiving candy. I saw her joy and I paused. That was living in the moment.

Finally, I just went for a short walk. During the walk, I reflected on a sermon that I heard in theology class yesterday based on "For it is by grace that you have been saved." The sermon was by Karl Barth and at one point he focused on having a carefree approach to life that results from living under God's grace. He challenged the audience to ask for grace. I asked for grace on my walk. I asked for help in the area of living in the moment. A few minutes later I noticed a leaf falling. I grabbed it. I realized that if I hadn't been simply living in the moment then I would have missed that leaf. I wasn't thinking days, hours, or even minutes ahead.

That was living in the moment.

I need to be more open to moments like that. What "leaves" am I missing?

Yes, that ending sounded like a bad sermon ending but the question still stands... :)

Enough Time?

I just heard someone checking his voicemail when he was in the bathroom... I know that tend to multi-task in very creative ways but I haven't gone there yet. Do we really feel like there is not enough time so that we have to check our voicemail while going to the bathroom???