Leadership from a different angle

1 Thessalonians is at the top of my list of favorite books in the Bible. I am biased because God gave me the greatest small group community in the history of small groups (Fairfax, VA - 1999-2000) and we studied that book during our time together.

My co-leader (Rob) and I saw clearly how Paul's relationship with the Thessalonians revealed to us how we should care for our small group. I kept a list of ideas along these lines that I now use for small group training. The requirements for church leadership are often derived from the listings in 1 Timothy and Titus but I would also recommend reading through 1 Thessalonians for a deep well of ideas for considering leaders in the church.

I came across 1 Thessalonians 2:1-12 during my morning lectionary reading and I ended up praying for the following prayer based on its content:

Lord, shape me into a leader of your church, I ask that you form me into a leader, proclaimer of your gospel, and caregiver that is like Paul as seen in 1 Thessalonians 2:1-12.
I ask that I consider those to whom you send me as brothers and sisters (v. 1),

that I dare to share the gospel in spite of strong opposition (v. 2),

that what I share not spring from error or impure motives or trickery (v. 3),

instead may I speak as one approved by God who has been entrusted with your announcement of God's reign, not trying to please people but God who tests my heart (v. 4),

that I may never use flattery or have secret greedy intentions (v. 5),

that I may never look for the praise of people (v. 6),

that I may be a gentle and caring shepherd who is like a mother to her children (v. 7),

that my love for my brothers and sisters would be so great that I would not only share the gospel but also my very life with them because they are so dear to me (v. 8),

that I may work so as not to be an excessive burden to anyone (v. 9),

that by God's grace I would be a holy, righteous, and blameless person among my brothers and sisters (v.10),

that I would deal with my brothers and sisters like a father deals with his own children, encouraging and comforting (vv. 11-12),

and that I would urge them to live lives worthy of God, the God revealed in Jesus Christ who calls each person into his kingdom and glory (v.12),

may I be this leader, encourager, and caregiver as seen in the apostle Paul as he follows his Lord and Savior, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ - who lives and reigns with the Father and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever, Amen.

Like old times...

I really enjoy being online and feeling connected to the world. I took that for granted during my 6 years of work in the information technology where I would be online all day long. I didn't realize how much being a parent and having school work would disrupt that connection.

I do have a 'job' here at the seminary that allows me to experience that again. I work as a lab assistant in a computer lab and I get paid for writing stuff like this. The main difference between this job and my past jobs is I get paid a LOT less for basically doing the same amount of work.

Either way, that doesn't take away the fact that I enjoy having multiple email accounts open, this blog site, other blogs, my facebook account, my myspace account, and instant message sessions all going at once.

I should probably return to reading and doing my school work...

Foggy Perception...

I have received a couple of questions regarding this rarely (if ever) updated blog. I often have ideas to post but the transition from my head to the blog has not been a habit.

Today, I offer a picture of my life in the past year. My second daughter has slept through the night 3-4 times in her first full year of life. Last night was one of the "highlights" of this magnificent run of waking up. I went to bed early (9 AM) due to a head cold and woke up around midnight when she woke up. I was unable to fall back asleep due to being wide awake but I eventually fell asleep near 2:15 AM. 20 minutes or so later, she woke up again. I was unable to go back to sleep until 5 or 5:30 AM... I slept for 3 hours. I had a total of 6 hours of sleep but there was a 5 hour up/down period in the middle.

I guess that is why I have been a little out of sorts this past year. I wonder what it will be like when I can experience the world through the eyes/mind of a full night's sleep. Until then, I will continue to exist with a foggy perception of reality...

Give this guy a chance...

I am on a mission. I am always on a mission (those who know me can witness to that statement). I am currently in a theology of John Calvin class and one of my goals is to meet the real John Calvin. The term "Calvinist" evokes a wide range of responses from both those inside and outside the church, both those in the Presbyterian church(es) and those outside. Unfortunately for theologians, they are often branded with a short phrase or label that biases those who would otherwise learn from their writings, meditations, sermons, and lives of devotion to Jesus Christ. For Calvin, of course, he is associated with predestination.

I have the opportunity (yes, I view it that way) to hang out Calvin this semester. Darrell Guder encouraged me to view my class on the theology of Lesslie Newbigin last year as a time of mentoring by a theologian. I am taking the same approach to my time with Calvin (and Karl Barth in an independent study).

I was refreshed by Calvin's definition of piety. He said "I call 'piety' that reverence joined with love of God which the knowledge of his benefits induces." (1.2.1) What a great source for a prayer? "Lord, grant me the grace to have a reverence joined with a love for you."

I was also reminded of God's provision for me and my response when Calvin wrote "For until a person recognizes that they owe everything to God, that they are nourished by his fatherly care, that he is the Author of their every good, that they should seek nothing beyond him - they will never yield him willing service." (1.2.1) (bold added by me)

I am a stubborn guy. What would it look like for me to "yield him willing service" every day? My prayer life will be marked by an admission that I owe everything to God and that I would like to seek nothing beyond him.

I invite you to consider hanging out with Calvin and meet this man of God who reflected on the things of God beyond one subject (predestination). I am looking forward to seeing how he points me to Jesus Christ in the coming months and beyond.

New semester, Final year

My final year at Princeton Theological Seminary is here. I feel like I am in the classic back-and-forth where I feel like I just got here AND I feel like I have been here forever. My faith has changed in the past 2 years in many ways. I have come to some new places through wrestling with ideas that I didn't even have on my radar a few years ago. At the same time, I have seen how wrestling with potentially faith-wrecking ideas has brought me back to the firm foundation that the Lord Jesus Christ has been building for the previous 28 years of my life. That is why I sensed the Lord leading me to Princeton Seminary. I can now see more clearly the theological spectrum and I have a better sense of how different individuals and groups emphasize different parts of the Christian faith. I now feel more confident (properly confident to quote Lesslie Newbigin) than ever with my starting point being Jesus Christ as the Word of God revealed and his work in and through his sent church into the world.

I enter this year expectantly. I am most looking forward to seeking out conversations with those with whom I may disagree. I need to learn how to disagree with respect and gentleness. I also know that I haven't had one conversation in my life that hasn't shown me how I tend to push others away from me when I perceive that they think differently than me. I have missed out on some great discussions and life stories.

Let's see what happens. God-willing, I will post some thoughts as I go this year again. I disappeared for the summer due my internship in a hospital. My classes this semester are:
1. The Social and Ethical Implications of the Synoptic Gospels
2. The Theology of John Calvin
3. Atonement
4. Introduction to Education (audit)
5. Independent Study on Karl Barth's volume IV / 3.2 on the vocation of humanity and the sending of the church by the Holy Spirit.

I'd love to hear from anyone via a comment if you happen to journey onto this blog in the coming months...

Rare Event... shedding some tears

I have to admit that I shed some tears watching something tonight. I can honestly say that I have only cried in less than 5 movies in my life (and one was the Lion King!). I don't know if it is 10 weeks of CPE + 2 weeks or Ordination Exam insanity but tonight I shed some tears watching the end of an episode in Season Four of 24 (2 AM - 3 AM) - when Jack forces the doctors to work on the Chinese guy as opposed to Audrey Raines' husband...

This post has nothing to do with anything but I had to share this with someone...

Gold's Community Church

I was talking to friend about his perspectives on his church. He mentioned how he felt that most individuals at his church belonged because that is what people did in that town. He gave numerous examples of what this looked like in the form of stories of those he encountered each week. If he hadn't stated that he was talking about a church, then I could have easily substituted Gold's Gym (or any other workout facility) in place of the church.

Is that what the church is supposed to be, another Gold's Gym? If so, then the future generations would rather go to Gold's... that is exactly what is happening. I will write some specific ideas on this in the coming posts. This one has been brewing for awhile.

Proof or Story?

I have encountered no less than 10 sermon series, seminars, or pamplets on the Da Vinci Code. Initially, I was on the bandwagon (what is a bandwagon anyway?) that saw this as a point of connection with those who do not consider God or Christianity in their daily lives. My question now, however, is have Christians missed the point by focusing on logical proofs that seek to respond to every single point made by Dan Brown in his novel? In other words, are Christians asking the wrong question? I believe that they are. The question that I do not hear being asked is what does the success of the Da Vinci Code reveal about culture and the role of narrative in relating truth? In other words, what does the success of the Da Vinci Code reveal about today's consumer culture and how methods are used to reach it with a message?

One thing is certain, Dan Brown composed a compelling story and many have read it. What would have happened if Dan Brown selected a different medium for his material. If Dan Brown published a study with a point-by-point analysis of Mary Magdalene, then would he have sold as many copies as the Da Vinci Code? Absolutely not!

The irony is that Christians have responded to the novel as if he composed that very study. In other words, Christians have missed the point. I believe that the Da Vinci Code has exposed the church's weakness in sharing the most compelling story - the story of God's love for humanity in the life and work of Jesus Christ. Dan Brown told a story, Christians have responded with point-by-point counter-proof. Going forward, I believe that Christians are called to bear witness to the compelling story that God loved humanity, even though humanity didn't care at all about God, and sent his Son to make a way for us to be known by God and know God and to experience life in the way of Jesus. As we replace that story with point-by-point lectures that give 3049304983408 reasons why the Bible is true, then I think Christians are missing an opportunity to respond. Even better, Christians are missing an opportunity to share THE compelling story (that story by the way has outsold the Da Vinci Code this year)...

Blogger death

The best way to kill off a mediocre blogger (me) is to have an unsuccessful post. I just spent 30 minutes writing up some thoughts on how the church has missed the point with its response to the Da Vinci Code. I attempted to post but I lost my internet connection AND the content of the post. For someone who has been posting every 2.65913 weeks, that is DEATH...

Interfaith conversations

I continue to notice a pattern in "interfaith" conversations and settings. The pattern is this - more often than not, interfaith equals no Christian references. I attended an interfaith prayer service today and I anticipated a mix of prayers and faith perspectives. Instead, I witnessed a list of references to every faith besides Christianity. A few Psalms were included in the prayer service but there was an obvious omission of any New Testament references.

Why does this pattern exist? Many would try to cite that Christians have taken advantage of their majority status to push back other faiths. Is this completely true? My observation is that Christians have often subscribed to a guilt complex that is shaped by Christianity's connection with colonialism and anything else that is related to the forcing of the Christian faith on others. I have a question in response to this connection. Why do other faiths fail to have the same guilt complex? Why is it that Christians always have to back out from asserting anything in "interfaith" conversations and prayer services?

I worked with numerous Muslims in my last software development job near Washington DC and I often had religious conversations throughout the day at places like the coffee maker. I had the opportunity to attend a Friday prayer at a local mosque with these friends and I received numerous insights from the experience. One of my closer friends was open to seeing the commonalities between our faiths but the majority of others had little to no interest in that kind of 'dialogue.' They made it clear that they did not have any form of guilt complex for the uniqueness of their religious claims.

Am I the only person who notices the pattern of Christian references being absent from "interfaith" conversations? Or am I one of the only individuals who is willing to point it out?

Tale of Two Cities

3+ weeks have gone by since I finished up my second year at Princeton Theological Seminary. I have had a refreshing time with family and friends. I feel completely "detoxed" from the year and I can see how much God taught me this year through my classes and my relationships. A lot has happened this year.

Two weekends ago, I had the opportunity to go on a road trip with two friends (with the same name = Corey). I mistakenly thought that trips like this one were not possible after having 2 kids... We went to church at Presbyterian Church at New Providence on Sunday morning and then headed into NY City. Little Italy, China Town, a walk across the Brooklyn Bridge and then a subway trip led us to Shea Stadium for the Mets/Yankees game. It was freezing but the game and the crowd kept everything heated up. I love New York. I was born 20 miles from the city and its rhythms are built into my being. The intensity of the crowd was everything that I had anticipated. I would never bring my 3 year old daughter to a game like this one due to the profanity and constant fights but I took in the craziness with a smile. The Mets won and that made it even better...

We left from the Shea around 11:30 and drove up to a state park in Sturbridge, MA and had our tent set up by 4 AM... Around 10:30 AM, we woke up and found our way into a freezing cold lake to wake up. A grease-filled Cracker Barrel breakfast and drive led us to Boston where we hit up 2-3 pubs before the Red Sox/Yankees game. We arrived at Fenway early and stood near the Green Monster seats (hence the picture). As we talked, I heard someone yell "Heads up!" and then a baseball came flying by my head. I fought off another fan for the ball and took into possession my second official American League baseball. Fenway Park was incredible but the fans were a major disappointment. This was supposed to be the "most hate-filled rivalry in baseball" but I couldn't tell that from the slight chatter that marked the crowd volume all game long. The number of standing ovations at the Mets/Yankees game had to be near 50. The Yankees/Red Sox game featured 1. The boos for Jonny Damon lasted a mere 2 seconds and nobody seemed to care when Curt Schilling had 2 stikes on a batter. It will take a lot for someone to convince me that Red Sox fans are passionate after what I witnessed that night...

We returned to the camp site by 1 AM and talked over a cigar until 3 or 4 in the morning, woke up at 6 AM and drove south back to Jersey. I was exhausted but it was the perfect kind of exhaustion - one that was caused by a series of memories that only God can provide with close friends.

new approach

a new approach is required...

Baseball Liturgy

I haven't posted in a LONG time and that reflects a life governed by family and school responsibilities. In an ideal world, I would post 3-4 times per week. I should be posting again now that I am entering finals period because this is a great forum for me to work out ideas and fight off writer's block!

Last night, I had the opportunity to go to Yankees Stadium to watch the Yankees LOSE to the Orioles (note - the picture above is the exact same vantage point of my seat). I am an avid Mets fan (they do exist) and every Yankees loss is a Mets victory. I have to admit that I enjoyed watching Hideki Matsui strike out looking with the bases loaded to end the game. My point in posting, however, has nothing to do with the actual game.

At the game last night, I experienced what I will call the liturgy of baseball. A baseball game at Yankee stadium is a religious event and the worship experience is marked by liturgy. The meaning of liturgy is literally "the work of the people" and the term is most often applied to what occurs in 'high-church' Christian worship gatherings. I experienced Yankee liturgy last night.

Let me explain. The "work of the people" included a wide variety of practices. First, the rituals associated with a baseball game are evident. Everything from how you order peanuts from the person going up and down the stairs to the clapping that occurs when the opposing batter has two strikes in the count. I even witnessed a "worship war" over the use of the wave at Yankee Stadium. The guy in front of me started yelling "Hey, that $%@#" is for Shea Stadium not for this place." It appeared that this guy had a clear sense of what was appropriate for the Yankee "denomination". Second, there is a leader in the liturgy of baseball. The PA announcer, who has been with the Yankees and NY Giants for many years, is revered and he has an expected and characteristic way of moving the game along by announcing hitters and pitchers. Third, the means by which 'saints' are recognized was evident as the crowd automatically gave Bernie Williams a standing ovation. Fourth, the 'sanctuary' is laid out with worship in mind, especially the area dedicated to Yankee greats out beyond the bullpen. Finally, the overall participation marks the liturgy because every person is involved from start to finish with the experience. These marks of baseball liturgy may not apply to every baseball stadium but they definitely apply to Yankee Stadium.

I found myself praying the following "Lord, what would it look like for these Yankee fans to dedicate even 10% of their energy toward worshiping what they ultimately long for - to be known and to know God through Jesus Christ." That prayer will be discussed at another time in another post but I wanted to put that out there for more thoughts.

Have you ever experienced a liturgy (work of the people) like I experienced last night?

Painting with a BROAD BRUSH

How many of you have heard the phrase "paint with a broad brush"? Or perhaps, you have used this phrase yourself. How do phrases like this make it into our every day speech?

I have noticed that there seems to be a "phrase of year" that is tossed around Christian circles. Most likely, we hear these phrases from a notable speaker and then we decide to incorporate them into our sermons, teaching materials, and classroom "astute" comments...

What other phrases like this one do you hear repeated...?

Here are some of the ones that my friends and I have noticed (categorized by year).

1999 "You need to find a way to get plugged in"
2000 "We are meant for me than simply eating and taking up natural resources"
2001 "You can't build a bridge from Beijing to New York overnight but..."
2002 "We need to be transparent, authentic, open, vulnerable, INTO-ME-SEE (intimacy) persons"
2003 "Let me unpack this for you"
2004 "What earth am I here for?"
2005-06 "I hate to paint with a broad brush here but all evangelicals are X"

Alright, 2001 is one that I made up and used in countless meetings during my software development days. I can list a parallel list from the information technology world but I will spare you the debates between "notes" and "minutes"....

Am I only the one who hears this highly predictable, overused statements???

The Chinese Titanic

The PC(USA) requires a psychological evaluation for the ordination process. My experience last week was a very positive one. A question arose from the session regarding my Chinese background. The counselor asked why my grandfather left China.

The story of how my grandparents met is a Chinese titanic story (except the boat didn't sink). My grandmother and grandfather met on the boat from China to New York City. My grandmother was in the lower class level of the boat while my grandfather was in the upper class. At the mealtime, the lower class section was served rice and vegetibles while the upper class section was served steak. My grandfather decided to sneak down to the lower class section and he met my grandmother during the meal.

The question still remains, "Why did my grandfather leave China if he was in the upper-class?" I asked my Dad this question tonight and he shared some more of my family story. My great-grandfather was already in the United States (his reason for coming is unknonw besides economic opportunity, the U.S. was termed the Gold Mountain by the Chinese). My great-grandfather owned chicken markets (there were obviously no Wegmans back then, the chickens were killed on the spot and served 'fresh') and made significant money. He was able to pay for his children to come over and they came over in the upper class section. My grandfather lived in the Caton region of China where, at that time, a majority of the economy was agricultural and unpredicable.

My grandmother's parents were in the United States too but they were not as well off economoically. She came over and worked in laundry facilities to make money. My grandfather and grandmother continued their relationship after coming over to the "Gold Mountain." Stories like this are part of who I am and I need to be able to pass them on to future generations.

This post is part of that sharing to whomever may happen to come across it...

Frozen in 1999 or not...

Music. I have been missing music from my life for awhile now. Music used to be as much a part of my life as food and sleep. I remember thinking that I would NEVER be the person who lost track of music trends but I have become that person. In fact, my music is forever frozen in 1999...

I have this theory that music taps into the deepest parts of our spirit and connects with our deep longing for relationships. The deepest possible relationship is with God but it is easier to focus on our relationships with others, especially romantic relationships. The zenith of my enjoyment of music was when I began dating Laurie and in our engagement time. Music connected with my longing for intimacy with another person and ignited my feelings.

Over time, especially with the arrival of two children and the subsequent destruction of free time, music disappeared from being a part of my normal day. Recently, however, it is making a comeback. Maybe it is because I am gearing up for the upcoming changes in my life as I can actually see myself serving in full-time ministry in the church. Music unleashes creativity and a hunger for life. This applies to God and others.

My late adoption of iTunes on my laptop and friends calling me an "old man" for being behind on the times has helped as well...... Either way, the music is playing again!

Why is music so powerful?

Preaching Marathon

I didn't run a marathon today but I feel like I did.

Today, I had the opportunity to preach three times at the Presbyterian Church at New Providence(http://www.pcnp.org/sunday/1.html). I was given the sermon title "The Great Gamble" as part of a 4 week series titled Living Beyond Myself. The experience was more than I could have imagined. I didn't anticipate learning new aspects about preaching but that is exactly what happened..

Preaching is hard! Preaching is especially hard when a person has to preach multiple sermons in one morning. A few specific lessons came to mind today. First, preaching without a manuscript truly opens up opportunities to connect with the congregation. Second, never never never underestimate the fatigue associated with preaching multiple times in one morning. Third, it is impossible to preach with conviction when thoughts are not clear in my mind (this relates to the first two lessons). The first sermon at 8:15 AM included the positives of all three - connection to the listeners, energy, and clear thoughts/conviction. The second sermon at 9:30 AM included some moments of fatigue that led to fuzzy transitions and reduced conviction. The final sermon at 11 AM was a brutal struggle in my mind to keep pushing forward due to fatigue. I could sense that my conviction disappeared at points when I couldn't think as clearly.

Overall, my personal critique is similar to singing groups who know their mistakes when the listeners barely take note of any mistakes. No matter what, today was a big step forward in living into my forming identity as a pastor. I loved every second of the experience even if I was exhausted in the end.

Imitating what?

Leadership.

This picture is similar to the pictures that I saw at information technology companies where I worked for 6 years before coming to seminary. Posters like this one were in the hallways and were supposed to inspire great leadership.

Leadership is a money-maker. A person cannot even begin to count the number of leadership books that are out on the market. One trip to Barnes&Noble will expose a person to the vast amount of books on how to lead. I have read many of them.

I assumed coming into seminary that leadership would be a focus in my preparation for ministry. That hasn't happened. In fact, the opposite has happened. I have been taught, both directly and indirectly, to automatically question all forms of hierarchy. I have experienced how holding to a conviction only draws defensive responses from others who do not want their personal intellectual space threatened. I have not been taught or encouraged in the area of leadership during my 1 1/2 years here... Until today.

I am in a class that is studying the theology and life of Lesslie Newbigin. We recently read a chapter on his role as a pastoral bishop both in India and in Britain. One of my goals this semester is to be discipled by Newbigin as I study his life. This is in the spirit of 1 Cor 11:1 where Paul says "be imitators of me as I imitate Christ." There is no question that Lesslie Newbigin is a life worth imitating because he imitated Christ. Newbigin says that leaders in the church are to set an example for imitation - imitating Christ. A leader in the church is to be a fisherman, a shepherd, and first of all a disciple (to the cross).

Newbigin says that leadership in the Church always means "following Jesus in the way of the Cross, so that the whole Church may be enabled to follow and so, in turn, to draw others into the company of those who belong to Christ."

Maybe that is where I should be looking for 'leadership training' while at seminary...

Which one?

I posted a similar thought to this one on another blog in another life (few years ago).

Yesterday, I was leaving a Starbucks when I sensed that someone was following behind me. I looked over my shoulder to notice a person who had 340983098 things in her two hands. I simply waited a few seconds and held the door for her. She smiled.

Who do you think enjoyed the experience more, the one who served or the one who was served?

No Lower Point...

I just experienced perhaps the lowest moment of my life.

I visited my friend Neil's house in Maryland this past weekend on the way down to a ski trip. I hadn't seen his son (2 years 4 months) in almost a year. I arrived right when his son woke up from his nap so I had timed my arrival well. I went upstairs and Neil mentioned how his son loved The Wiggles (http://www.thewiggles.com.au - you have to see it and be a parent to be able to hang with the dancing insanity).

I grunted.

My response was based on my daughter's infatuation with the singing/dancing insanity. When Neil's wife opened the door, the boy came out. They said "This is Daddy's friend Jeff." The boy looked up at me, smiled and said "WAKE UP JEFF!!!" The guy in the picture above often falls asleep in the Wiggles videos and is greeted by that phrase. The little boy thought I was the Asian Wiggles guy named Jeff who falls asleep on the shows all the time... He called me a W I G G L E

Grace

Grace.

Grace is a concept or reality that mostly only makes sense when you encounter it firsthand. I had a conversation with a friend recently that brought me face-to-face with an aspect of the elusive term grace. One of my friends from my days in Virginia received a massive TV as a gift from his fiancee right after they got married. Yes, that seems like a grace-like story but that is not the real story for this post. A few years later (recently) he was lamenting the fact that he didn't have HDTV to watch a Redskins playoff game. At that very moment, he needed to adjust the TV and when he was near the back he noticed that the TV was HDTV enabled. He realized then that he had owned HDTV for 4 years without realizing it!!!

Grace.

One useful definition of grace is a surprise gift. That describes my friend's experience. Grace often is discovered or revealed in places where it already is present but we do not notice it or experience it. His TV had HDTV for years but he never noticed it.

Next, he discovered that he needed to order HDTV specifically for his TV but he didn't want to spend the money. So much for the great story... BUT when he walked outside and told a neighbor about his discovery, his neighbor responded with "I have an extra receiver!"

More grace...

Where do we miss surprise gifts just like this in life every day, moment? Check the back of your TV, maybe there is something you are missing too...

Great Clips TV?

I experienced the ever-increasing isolation of human beings from one another. I went to get my hair cut at Great Clips ($4.99 coupon!). I often say a short prayer before I get my haircut. The focus of the prayer is not my hair (which is quickly disappearing may I add) but for the person who is cutting my hair. My recent meditations on Scripture references that show the extent of God's love for humanity has reminded me of how much I need to love others in the simple, every day events - like getting a haircut.

I arrived at Great Clips, said my prayer while walking into the parking lot, put my name in to the computer, and then I was called for the CUT. I sat down and the first thing I noticed was a flat-screen TV on the wall. Broadcasting on the TV was "Great Clips TV". It was a visual equivalent to the repeated music at retail stories like Old Navy. I started a small conversation with the person cutting my hair and she seemed somewhat shocked. "Why would this person speak with me when Great Clips TV is on?" She saw the book that I brought with me (Kingdom of God by John Bright) and she asked me why I was reading the book. We had a short conversation because I don't have a lot of hair to cut but it was a conversation nonetheless. I could tell that the person appreciated being treated as a person and not a hair-cutting machine.

My prayer prepared my heart to be open to another person and the circumstances made the interaction even more striking due to Great Clips TV... Thanks to my friend Jon Chiu in Virginia for constantly reminding me to share the love of Christ in practical ways, even in the seat of a hair cutting place.

Chinese New Year

Today is Chinese New Year - the year of the dog.

I was born in 1976 in the year of the Dragon. I am half-Chinese. My dad is first generation Chinese. My mom is a mixture of Welsh and German. I see myself as more a mixture of and tension between traditional Chinese and western American cultures.

I rarely speak about my mixed background in a serious manner. I was raised in a mostly caucasian, upper middle class town where there were only 2 Chinese individuals in my graduating high school class. I remember numerous instances of being mocked due to my Chinese background. I decided early on to avoid that side of my background in order to fit into my surroundings. My dad recently told me how he didn't force me to go to Chinese school so that I wouldn't be singled out as Chinese. For him, having me fit into my environment was important to him. My friends nicknamed me "one-third" because I was good at math, horrible at ping-pong, and never took karate (I took tai-kwon doe for a year but I didn't tell anybody). I avoided using chop-sticks until I went to college and I often intentionally opened my eyes larger in order to hide my chinese facial expressions.

One more story is that I remember making fun of my friend Danny Chang because he was Chinese in order to set myself apart from him and to further establish my caucasian identity. I was wrong and I wish that I could locate Danny and his family in order to ask for their forgiveness. That is what happens when a child is confused about his ethnic identity in an environment where the majority is caucasian. There are more stories than I can even begin to recount.

This blog entry will mark the beginning of more open sharing about my mixed ethnic background has shaped my view of God and the world.

Life is full ups and downs. Right now, I can go 'on record' that I am in the zone. God, family, friends, and everything are in the proper focus and I feel more alive now than I have in a long time. I continue to realize how much I need times of silence and solitude in order to renew my perspective. My trip to the Holy Cross Monastery this past Tues - Thurs provided that exact opportunity. I know that returning to classes tomorrow will most likely be the thing that will get me off track and out of focus but for now I am in the ZONE!