Every man needs to decide to be
present around his wife and family. The impact of that decision has both
immediate results with the current family and life-restoring ripples for
generations to come.
What will you decide?
Every decision like this one requires
intentional action and every decision for action requires accountability in
order to follow through.
I gather with a group of men for
something we call "MANera" at a local Panera Bread every Thursday
morning. One of the primary goals of our discussions and resulting action
steps is to reject mediocrity on all
fronts of our lives.
This movement of men started with 5
men who were sick and tired of mediocrity in their marriages, parenting,
leadership and overall life impact. We met to have "throw down"
discussions about these areas. Each discussion yielded a tangible action
step to be completed during that week with a report back to the group. This
call to action has reset the trajectory of numerous lives and has resulted in
having 90 men gather for MANera a few weeks ago. MANera is not your
normal "men's ministry" gathering.
A recurring theme during the 2+
years of MANera gatherings has been the challenge of transiting home from a day
of work or a business trip. I have heard countless men share how they
struggle with reentering the home world after giving it all in the work
world.
There are three primary reasons that
I have heard from men in the group discussions.
- I feel more in control at work than I do at home because I have position-given authority.
- Family relationships are unpredictable while work tasks are predictable.
- I am more alive at work because I see results while at home I experience frustration.
Stereotypically, men struggle with
navigating the differences between work and home. Men oftentimes, whether
consciously or unconsciously, give up on the struggle and the result is they
check out at home.
In response to this challenge, the
MANera men have generated a set of action steps over time to reject this
mediocrity in their lives.
Here are a few that have helped the men who
have decided to be actively present at home with their families:
- Decide on a specific place on the commute home that is approximately halfway home. At that point, make the conscious shift from thinking about work toward thinking about home.
- Decide to never enter the house while talking on the cell phone. Decide to do this and then actually do it.
- Decide to ask your wife, "How is your day going?" at least once during the day (phone call, text message, email, etc.) so that you have a better sense of her emotional mindset when you come home.
- Decide to ask your wife about her day first before you share anything about your day. Decide to listen to her and pay attention to what she is saying.
- Decide to make eye contact with each person in your family as soon as possible upon entering the house and saying something (a word, a phrase, anything) that lets them know that you care about them.
Every man has to make decisions. What drives and
shapes your decisions?
A majority of men do not have an
intentional game plan for reentering the home world after being in the work
world. We would all criticize a football coach for entering a game
without a specific plan. We would all criticize a leader in our
businesses for entering a new year without a plan. We would all criticize
the military if they entered a mission without a plan. What then lets us
off the hook regarding our families?
It is time to MAN UP, make a GAME
PLAN and decide to BE PRESENT at home.
Make the right decision.
If you decide to disregard this,
then recognize that your wife and children are thinking and feeling, "C'mon Man!" even if they
don't say it out loud. They are feeling it.
C'mon Man! MAN UP, make a GAME
PLAN, and BE PRESENT at home with your family.
Your decision to do this will have
an impact on their lives and countless generations going forward.
Decide to reject mediocrity and be present with your family
when you are at home.
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